This is a real letter written by an anonymous women regretting her abortion 10 years prior.
My Dearest Child,
Ten years ago yesterday, I carried you beneath my heart. Ten years ago today, I stopped the beating of your heart. I, your mother, the one who gave you life, also gave you death.
It's been a decade and still my blood runs cold and I catch my breath whenever I hear the word "abortion." There's an emptiness inside of me that cannot be filled, a chill that has never quite been warmed, a grief that will never end. To me you will forever remain an unfinished song, a flower that has never bloomed, a sunrise clouded by rain.
Even during your last moments of life, I wondered, "Is my baby a boy or a girl?" The question ran through my mind again and again as I tried to block out the sickening sounds of you being suctioned from my womb and my life. I seemed to have a burning need to know whether I would have a son or a daughter, yet somehow I couldn't bear to ask such an indelicate question of the doctor who stood smiling above me. Instead, I simply nodded in defeat and sadness as the man in white patted my trembling hand and said, "Now - aren't you glad it's over?"
As I lay there drowning in my own blood, tears and sweat, I could hear the nurses chattering about coworkers, new cars and clothes.
To these people, the extermination of your life was simply a job - "making a living by destroying the living." To those gathered in that sunny room in Philadelphia 10 years ago, it was just another day. To me, it was the darkest day I had ever known.
"The Abortion" - the most heart-wrenching, terrible experience I had suffered through in my 18 years; certainly the most painful experience suffered by you in your three short months. It has taken me all these years to get over it.
Now - as my eyes fill with tears, I realize this is something I will never "get over." That fateful April day.
Even in my distraught state of mind, I knew that there were other choices. I was simply too scared to consider the alternative. Still a child myself, I "wasn't ready" to be a mother.
What I didn't realize was that I already was a mother. You became my child at the moment of conception; my love for you began when your life began, and although your life ended, that love has never died.
Your silent screams have awoken me from sleep many times over the years, and I have lain in the dark and mourned the loss of the baby I killed. There have even been times when I've contemplated ending my own life as I ended yours.
It's been 10 years and I still haven't forgiven myself. Have you forgiven me? Has God forgiven me for destroying a being created by Him?
I've had many nightmares through the years. Scenes of a tiny fetus in a trash bag haunt my subconscious. I've awakened in a cold sweat, again feeling the excruciating pain of that long-ago day. I recall the intense physical pain of the abortion - but those 10 minutes of hurt were nothing compared to the 10 years of pain I've lived with since.
For years my heart has ached to write you this letter, but whenever I attempted to put my feelings into words, I...
Perhaps this letter was meant to be written in order to help others to avoid the agony I experienced.
If this letter prevents even one abortion, it will have served a purpose. But Baby, my purpose in sending this letter to you is to let you know that I love you - whoever you are. And I'm sorry.
Love, Mommy
